Longing for Redemption - Linda and Charlie Bloom
To the degree that early unhealed wounds and unmet childhood needs are carried into adulthood we will see our partner as having the power, even the responsibility to rescue us from the residual pain from these experiences by providing us, finally, with the quality of love that we never received. What we desire from this person is love that is healing, affirming, all-encompassing, unconditionally accepting, and empowering—in short, salvation. Not only is this expectation unrealistic, it’s unattainable.
How to Be an Adult in Love - David Richo
We were made to love and be loved. Loving ourselves and others is in our genetic code. It’s nothing other than the purpose of our lives—but knowing that doesn’t make it easy to do. We may find it a challenge to love ourselves. We may have a hard time letting love in from others. We’re often afraid of getting hurt. It is also sometimes scary for us to share love with those around us—and love that isn't shared leaves us feeling flat and unfulfilled.
Your Five Core Emotional Needs Keep You Feeling Alive - Richard Brouillette, LCSW
We are all born with core emotional needs that are part of who we are for life.
Growing up, the way these needs are fulfilled or frustrated forms our character.
We can learn to live without some needs being fulfilled, but this can cause us trouble as adults.
It’s never too late to learn how to re-connect with your core needs and improve your quality of life.
Is Longing Both Secular and Spiritual? - Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.
A certain longing is universal and leads us to feel disconnected from others, but it all started when—mostly unconsciously—we felt obliged to disconnect from parts of ourselves.
Nourish the Wolf of Love - Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
Today, you can observe the wolf of hate all around us, in acts of thought, word, and deed. For example, as soon as we see others as "not my tribe," whether it's at home or work or on the evening news, the wolf of hate lifts its head and looks around for danger. And then, if we feel at all threatened or mistreated or desperate, the wolf of hate jumps up and looks for someone to howl at or bite.
The secret to happiness? Get better at feeling sad - Helen Russell
Life may be hard, but it will have meaning. And it’s this that should be the goal: a life experiencing our entire emotional spectrum. Sadness is going to happen, so we may as well know how to “do it” right.
Why Your Well-Meaning Defenses Are in Over Their Heads - Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.
People experience defense mechanisms as life-saving when they are children, for they helped lessen scary feelings of insecurity and instability.
In adulthood, outdated, habitual defenses often continue to take over and sabotage people in ways that they may not even be aware of.
Identifying one's defenses and actually talking to them, updating them about one's physical and mental development, can help change them.
Why We Can’t Forgive Ourselves - Annie Tanasugarn, Ph.D.
Is It Guilt Or Shame?
These two words get used interchangeably but are very different. Guilt is something most of us have experienced at one time or another as long as our moral compass is in tact. Shame is what is taught in childhood from traumatic, abusive or neglectful environments.
Guilt: “ I made a mistake.”
Shame: “I am a mistake.”
Limiting Regrets in Relationships - Sunshine Zombiegirl
Limerence, the space which includes all the intense romantic feelings you have for the other person, doesn’t last forever. It only lasts long enough for us to push our own needs aside for our romantic partners.
The biggest problem of being in limerence is trying to please the other person so much that we forget it’s okay to be “selfish.” It’s not selfish to focus on yourself and your needs before intertwining your life with another person. It’s responsible.
Stop Trying to Control Everything and Focus on What You Can Change - Amanda Dodson LCSW
It is natural for us to avoid pain, but this only intensifies our suffering.
Radical acceptance is the practice of accepting the difficult parts of life.
Once you make peace with what you cannot change, you can focus on what is within your control.
A Guide to Cultivating Self Love - Jade Wu Ph.D.
Listen to your body and give it exactly what it needs, including rest and nourishment.
Allow yourself to really experience your emotions, even difficult ones.
Express yourself creatively, and spend time on the activities you care about.
Be patient and forgiving to yourself, and set boundaries where you need them.
7 Ways to Boost Eudaimonic Well-Being - Tchiki Davis, Ph.D.
Eudaimonia has been defined as a life well-lived, or human flourishing, and usually includes authenticity, excellence, growth and meaning.
Ways to promote eudaimonia include standing by one's values, writing down one's biggest goals, and developing skills that bring one joy.
Being authentic to one's true self, engaging in positive activities, and focusing on the quality of relationships can also promote eudaimonia.
Romantic Love Is Just a Fantasy at First - Geraldine K. Piorkowski Ph.D.
Fantasy magnifies positive qualities and whitewashes negative traits in a potential partner.
Unresolved psychological needs influence sexual attraction.
Commitment, communication, and companionship are the "big three" sustaining factors.
The VIA Character Strengths Survey
The VIA Survey is the only free, scientific survey of character strengths in the world. Take this simple, 15 minute character test and discover your greatest strengths. Research shows that knowing and using your character strengths can help you:
Increase happiness and well-being
Find meaning and purpose
Boost relationships
Manage stress and health
Accomplish goals
Dominic Price: What’s Your Happiness Score?
How do you rediscover a happier, more purpose-driven (and less productivity-obsessed) self in the wake of the pandemic? Quiz yourself alongside work futurist Dominic Price as he lays out a simple yet insightful four-part guide to assessing your life in ways that can help you reconnect with what's really important.
Your Negative Self-Talk Could Be Harming Your Health - Pamela O'Brien
Ruminating about why your co-worker didn't say hello to you this morning isn't doing you any favors. These expert-backed tips will help you stop negative self-talk in its tracks.
Frequent visits to nature linked to enhanced psychological well-being and reduced mental distress - Eric W. Dolan
People who visited green spaces more often tended to also report having better psychological well-being and less mental distress. The same was true of those who visited inland and coastal blue spaces. The findings held even after controlling for factors such as age, education, income, relationship status, and physical activity.
Why Forgiveness Is So Hard (but Important) - Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D.
Humans are programmed to avoid danger or anyone who has proven to be untrustworthy.
When people expect their lives to resemble fairy tales, they don’t equip themselves with the proper tools to deal with conflict effectively.
Letting go invites peace and the release of unresolved conflict, and can boost mental health.
The Happiness Myth - Rafa Euba
Suffering is inevitable. Accepting this fact will help us in the long run
Mandatory optimism is counterproductive
We must come to terms with life as it is
5 Steps to Conflict Reduction - Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.
How you enter a difficult conversation has a definite effect on whether or not the conflict becomes destructive or creative.
You might open people's minds with the emotions you bring into the conversation and the way you listen to their views.
Remaining calm, curious, and respectful might open doors to finding a solution that fulfills the similarities you find in the outcomes you want.