With Prejudice

If you're a defendant, having your case dismissed with prejudice is a good thing. It means you are free from the fear of ever it being brought against you again.

For a relationship, not so good. Dismissed, rejected. Hurts. We've all been let go at one time or another in one way or another. With Prejudice: the wound we carry, the judgement we have of not being good enough. When a kid and left out, you might have heard: “Well, don't take it so personal! What's the matter with you?” Adding insult to injury. We did take it personal(ly). And, in some way never forgot. Carrying that prejudice of ourself through life. Hesitating to risk it again.

Heartbreak happens. It can be all about the other. Nothing to do with you. My heart was broken as a teenager. The love of my life suddenly with no notice or explanation broke it off. What had I done wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough? No response. I was devastated. Hid in the first meaningless relationship I could find. 45 years later I learned the answer: nothing. I had done nothing wrong. I was more than good enough. She feared the consequences of being only 16 and loving me too much. When do couples break up over too much love?! It was cruel not knowing. What's often crueler is what we are told that isn't the truth just to make us feel better.

Fortunately, for me, we didn’t go to the same school. So, I didn’t have to suffer the further humiliation of longing looks and smirking friends. We still love each other. Only now from afar and not too much.