To the degree that early unhealed wounds and unmet childhood needs are carried into adulthood we will see our partner as having the power, even the responsibility to rescue us from the residual pain from these experiences by providing us, finally, with the quality of love that we never received. What we desire from this person is love that is healing, affirming, all-encompassing, unconditionally accepting, and empowering—in short, salvation. Not only is this expectation unrealistic, it’s unattainable.

A certain longing is universal and leads us to feel disconnected from others, but it all started when—mostly unconsciously—we felt obliged to disconnect from parts of ourselves.